[Anh Ngữ] Some awsome personal statements

[vuongtuphuong]

Personal statement là một bài văn ngắn nói về bản thân mình, về ước mơ/mục đích/lý tưởng (dream/goal/idealism), để cho những người nhận mình (admission officers) vào đại học nhận xét về đơn xin nhập học của mình . Mỗi năm có biết bao nhiêu người nộp đơn xin vào học, các trường đại học t.ư (private colleges) nổi tiếng như Havard, Standford, MIT v.v đa số chỉ nhận giữa 5-6% của tổng số đơn điền xin vào . Đại học công như University of California, Berkeley (viết tắt UC Berkeley), được coi là đại học công cộng đứng đầu thế giới chỉ nhận khoảng 17% mà thôi . Hầu hết những người điền đơn vào các trường này đều giỏi và khả năng (qua điểm học, điểm thi SAT/ACT v.v) gần gần như nhau, vậy làm sao để họ chọn mình ?
Personal statement là một phần quan trọng để cho họ thấy mình nổi bật hơn (impressive) những người khác .
Mục này mình sẽ đi lấy những bài personal statements trong internet và đăng (post) lên đây cho những ai muốn đọc và có ý tưởng xin vào đại học ở Mỹ

ps: Hầu hết đại học cấp bằng 4 năm (BS/BA +) trở lên ở Mỹ đều yêu cầu personal statement .

Dưới đây là bài đầu tiên mình copy and paste lại :

The Prompt
What matters to you, and why?

The Essay
Intro
A few hundred years ago, it wasn't unusual for a person to live and die in a single twenty-mile stretch of land. There are places on earth where the same is true today. We even grow complacent within the borders of our own countries. Two thirds of Americans don't have a passport, indicating no immediate ability or desire to travel beyond their borders.

The symbolism is easy to see. "Thinking outside the box" is a common idiom used to express the idea of breaking free of old ways of thinking. In a real sense, the walls of the box are the borders of thought. Moving past those barriers is considered not only a good thing, but a necessary thing.

Yet the same is not true of travel. I disagree. I could have stayed in my home country to study, but I chose instead to apply internationally. I wanted to place myself as far from my comfort zone. In a real sense, I wanted to not just think outside the box, but exist entirely outside it. This is a vital frame of reference for an increasingly global world.

Body
That we exist in a global society, connected by the internet. For many, this is an excuse to stay put. After all, you can play video games with your friend in Kenya, have dinner with someone in Japan, and work out a business deal in the United States all in the same day. There is no substitute for full immersion.

Language is an important part of who we are as a species. Though verbal communication is not unique to us, the depth and breadth of it certainly is. Numerous studies have pointed to the benefits of learning other languages. I was fortunate enough to be born into a culture with more than one, and I have since made an effort to learn more. Still, speaking daily, with native speakers, is the only path to true fluency.

Language is one facet of culture, and the most reliable window into it. Language helps others become introduced to a new culture. Idioms, such as "thinking outside the box," do not make intuitive sense to non-native speakers immediately. Immersion in culture gives you a true immersion in language. It is the difference between seeing a tool in a book and using the same tool to craft a piece of furniture.

To continue the metaphor, every culture will have a slightly different way to craft that chair. There might be a better way than the one I have seen, but only through experiencing all the different ways of performing that task will I know for sure. Thus, immersing myself in as many cultures as I can will give me the breadth of experience to make me the most effective thinker.

Conclusion
In many ways, immersing oneself in different cultures is its own reward. You get to experience an entirely new way of thinking, doing, and solving, to say nothing of the great food, art, and music. This alone would make it matter to me, though there are so many more reasons this one point defines me.

Learning about different ways of thinking helps solve one's own problems. It also shows you the places between, where you didn't even know problems could hide. These are the assumptions, and every culture makes them, though not necessarily the same ones. Looking in these nooks and crannies teaches you more about the world, and about yourself.

Most people on this planet do not come from your country, wherever that might be. By confining yourself to it, you are missing out on most of the interactions available to you. Other than growing as a person, you are missing out some of the most rewarding interactions out there. I want to know the world, and to do that, I want to go everywhere. For me, there is no box.

Why This Essay Works
The writer is clearly passionate about what matters to them. This heartfelt feeling and the genuine way it is expressed helps show the reader who this person is. Being genuine is sometimes difficult, as you are being vulnerable, opening yourself up to criticism and rejection. Don't be afraid of it here. The readers want to know the real you.

The body employs a very effective building technique. The first paragraph discusses the idea of immersion. The second then adds language to the mix. The third adds culture. The fourth ties it all together. Each paragraph builds on what came before it in a simple rhythm, using simple language to illustrate a complex idea.

The conclusion ties these ideas together once again. It mirrors the structure of the body, further exploring the idea of why this breadth matters as much as it does. Finally, it ends with a callback to the first sentence of the first paragraph, a great device to make an essay feel like one complete point.

 

[vuongtuphuong]

Đây là bài kế tới, ai muốn dịch thì cứ tự nhiên nhé

The Prompt
The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

The Essay
Intro
I've never been comfortable bragging. In fact, I was raised to be modest about my achievements, whatever they might be. Applying for college is nothing but bragging, and it makes me uncomfortable. In addition, every other essay you're likely to see is nothing but a litany of impressive accomplishments from top to bottom. That's not me.

At least, that's not me yet. Those applicants who have already tasted far-reaching success are pretty well-formed as people. They already know what works and see no reason to change. Why should they? They already invented a new form of pizza. They have life figured out, or sincerely believe they do. They are wrong. There is no better teacher than failure.

Think about it for a second. Wisdom is what you get from experience. Experience is what you get from failure. The transitive property works out from there. I know this because I failed and it turned me around in a way that modest or even spectacular success could not have. It all started with a D.

Body
Getting a D probably isn't the worst thing in the world, but it's not something anyone wants to see, let alone put, on a college application. It came back to me, scrawled in red, on the first big history test of the year. The one the teacher had assured us was a third of our grade. I could already see my chances of a four-year college going up in smoke and my school year hadn't even started yet.

What happened? I'm not a D student. I'll get the occasional C as well as the occasional A. D's are out of character for me, and enough of a stomach punch to really get my attention. The short version is, I didn't study, and I don't remember precisely why. There is always a reason not to study, isn't there? I didn't study and I went into a test woefully unprepared and got beaten up.

I had two options here. I could accept that I was in fact a D student despite what I had thought. Or I could study hard for the next test and try to bring my grade up by the force of the average. I realized something pretty important: while I had already forgotten the reason I didn't study, I never forgot the grade. Thus, the grade itself was far more important than whatever it was I was doing instead.

Imagine, instead, if I had gotten a C or even a B. It would have taken sheer, blind luck, but it could have happened. If this had happened, if I had succeeded rather than failed, I would have learned nothing. Or, at the very least, I would have learned that I didn't have to study, which is the opposite of what any college-bound senior should learn.

Conclusion
I chose to work harder. By my failure, that D, I had already learned the consequences of not studying. I knew both the problem and the solution. It didn't make it easy. I steadily brought my grade up with subsequent tests and papers.

At the end of the year, I got a better grade than I should have, based on strict averages. The teacher weighted improvement over other concerns. Those who buckled down and worked harder as the year progressed were rewarded.

In essence, my hard work paid off twice over. Had I not failed, I would have learned nothing. I might have done much worse on a later test, since I "knew" studying was not important. Instead, by failing, I was able to right my course. Going into college, I have concrete experience with just how important hard work can be.

Okay, I might be bragging a little ****

Why This Essay Works
This essay is a good example of how to turn an ostensible weakness into a strength. The writer takes a prompt, which explicitly acknowledges a failure of some kind, and shows how it leads to later success. This can be a winning combination, as it shows a certain amount of humility, which can be in short supply amongst students.

The writer also uses humor, but does not let the essay get overpowered by quips and jokey asides. Humor can be a wonderful way to liven up a piece of writing, but allow it to work in the service of the piece rather than the other way around. In addition, never be afraid to cut a joke that just isn't working. It's better to have no humor at all than forced attempts at it.

Good writing is all about using concrete examples. In this case, the writer is able to point to a specific incident that shows the prompt in action. This specific failed test gives the writer a sense of immediacy and allows them to explore the idea. In this way, the reader gets the sense that this is truly wisdom gained.

That last point is vital. To truly answer a prompt like this, you have to be completely honest about your failure, whatever it might be. No matter what it was, chances are you learned something from it. There's nothing like a taste of failure to make sure you never experience it again.

 

[vuongtuphuong]

Bài dưới đây từ một website khác, không phân chia rõ ràng như ở trên nhưng thấy đọc cũng ... interesting


Politics and international relations personal statement


Politics can be seen as essentially a convention inextricably linked to the birth of diversity and conflict, but it can also be seen as a willingness to co-operate and act collectively. My passion to study politics further is unrelenting. The current lack of political participation in modern society intrigues me. I am certain that over time, political participation has deteriorated due to society simply losing interest, therefore it is my desire to examine society closely and calculate why general political participation by the mass has crumbled, most importantly, who the fault lies with. This is one of many reasons that I feel politics and international relations would be an excellent combination to study.

Studying Politics and International relations will enable me to combine a subjects which I have loved since being first introduced to Nigerian politics through my uncle who was a senator, conversations with him increased my interest for politics.As an enthusiastic and highly motivated student I would love to experience and face the challenges which such a prestigious course would offer me. Studying Government and Politics at A Level reinforced my appreciation for these subjects. I understand that the disciplines are interlinked with one another, particularly when concerned with the welfare of our society. Politics deals with the distribution and the exercise of power while International Relations examine the relationship between countries and policies that are formulated. What I intend to study is not just how the policies are formed but the moral and the principles behind them and why they are successful or unsuccessful in society. Studying sociology at A level has enabled me to look at the sociological perspective of international relations and also compare any theories and political ideologies. My study of Media Studies at A Level has enabled me to develop the analytical skills required to fully understand complex texts and has provided me with the knowledge of the influence of media in politics and the importance for politicians of having the media on their side.

My passion for these subjects extends beyond an academic aspect; I have a passion for the field. I enjoy reading books such as The Globalization of World Politics, this will enable me to have a broad knowledge of international relations and to what extent its effects are seen in modern society. I often attend public debates held at parliament, particularly House of Commons, these have expanded my knowledge on topics ranging from political ideologies international policies, all of which I have found extremely useful. Being a part of "Think Outside" debating group, I represented my school on a range of debating topics,with successful results. Last year I travelled to South Africa where I had an insight into the culture and tradition of the indigenous people, this deepened my political and cultural knowledge and also emphasised the importance of family structure, education and socialisation in society.Having visited various countries and learning about their policies and how they are made and to what extent it benefits their society has inspired me to pursue a career in international relations and politics.

It is a passion of mine to learn new political and international approaches and analysis which will give me the proper foundations and broaden my knowledge. The aforementioned reasons drive my will to study politics and international relations; I believe it will give me the confidence that will make me better able to deal with the high demands of this course. Being a part of school council ultimately inspired my drive for debating in which I represented my debating group at national competitions. At the age of 15, I was elected as my local youth mayor in which I served for 1 year. This enabled me to experience the political life in a microscale. Ultimately, I am proud of my ability to balance both study and a school life successfully.

Profile info
This personal statement was written by HeyZee for application in 2012.

HeyZee's university choices
University of Sussex
The University of Sheffield
The University of Kent
University of Exeter
The University of Hull

(Các trường đại học đó đều nhận người này)
(những chữ gạch dưới có lẽ do cách dùng s trong tiếng Anh của người Anh thay vì z của người Mỹ)

 

[vuongtuphuong]

The Prompt
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

The Essay
Intro
Talent is not remarkable. It's usually the first thing anyone compliments. "You're so talented." It doesn't mean what they think it means. It doesn't mean I worked hard. It means I was lucky, or blessed, or anything else you want to call it.

I have talent. I've known since I was old enough to hold a football. The game just makes intuitive sense to me. The pathways of the players, both my team and the others, where the ball has to go, and what I'm doing. In the silence before a snap, I'm already playing out what is going to happen, watching the holes in my lines, tracing the route of my receivers.

That I would make varsity was a foregone conclusion. It was still a major part of growing up. We're a football town. We eat football, we breathe football, we live football. For me to be anything less than varsity was unthinkable, but when I made it, I found something I wasn't quite expecting: it wasn't enough.

Body
I was thrilled, of course. My parents were happy. My coach was pleased. I was looking forward to representing the town and my school on the field. I knew that with my formidable talent, I was going to roll over the other team. If this were a movie, I would have been brought down to size. At least a loss, if not a bad injury. This wasn't a movie. We won by twenty-two points.

It's difficult to learn from success, but that was what happened. After the game, I didn't have the normal flush of success, where my body feels warm and my hands feel jittery, when the aches deepen into something almost pleasant. I felt hollow, and I wasn't sure why. It wasn't until the next two victories, both of them blowouts, that I did.

In every situation, I had the same non-reaction. I wondered why I wasn't enjoying our victories. The whole purpose of stepping onto the field, after all, is victory. That's when I realized victory wasn't the purpose, at least not for me.

Varsity was my goal for so long that I had forgotten the rest. I've always been told to play the game in front of you. In other words, don't think about next week's game, or next month's. In that, I had forgotten that varsity football, as important as it is—to me, to my family, and my town—is only one step along the path.

I need to play well enough to get a scholarship to college, or else I'm not going. For someone with my natural talent, anything less than the pros is a failure. That might be harsh, but based on everything I've seen, it's true. I learned that this transition to adulthood was less of a smooth transformation and more of one of a number of steps along the way.

Conclusion
It is far too easy to view talent as an excuse. For me, it is a motivator. For my talent, I will accept nothing less than a dream that only a tiny percentage of people ever get to experience. To get there, I'm willing to work hard and wring every last accomplishment from myself.

Talent is a responsibility. Because you had nothing to do with acquiring it, you are compelled to achieve every last bit you can with it. While I had grown used to thinking varsity would be it, that was not the case. Now, I can focus on the goal while I accomplish the steps.

I had become used to thinking of victory as a goal rather than what it is: a process. To get it, you have to live to your absolute potential. I can only give it my best, and hope that I'm worthy of the gift I have inside.

Why This Essay Works
Oftentimes, inexperienced writers try to mask their awkwardness with writing by using a lot of big words. This is a mistake. The goal is to sound like yourself, only better. While the student here uses a few words on the larger end, at no point does it sound like they were writing by way of a dictionary.

The intro sets up the student's problem well: what they had thought of as a goal was, in fact, a process. It takes them the body and the conclusion to reach the point, but it is a salient point. It's very easy to get blinded to what your true goals should be. In this case, the writer does not want to rest, content in a lesser victory.

The idea of talent as a responsibility, which the writer states in the conclusion, is a big one. They give enough support for the idea, and it shows that they are perhaps more introspective than one might imagine a football player to be. This is not some talented athlete, smug in their natural-born abilities. This is an undeniably talented individual who looks at their gift as a way to compel themselves to greater heights.

 

[vuongtuphuong]

International Relations Personal Statement


The Middle East has always been a political hot zone, at the center of international disputes which gain worldwide attention. Since the beginning of the twentieth century, the region has acted as a battlefield for other nations, making stability in the area an impossible feat. Growing up in the Middle East, I became accustomed to hearing political discussions at every social gathering. I came to realize that as an Arab, and a Lebanese especially, politics was an inescapable part of my life.

Since the assassination of Prime Minister Rafic Al-Hariri in 2005, Lebanon has been thrown into a miasma of pandemonium, venality, and civil unrest. The ongoing international investigation has generated much controversy in Lebanon as it unveiled the warped political system and the corruption that seems to have infiltrated the highest ranks of government officials. However, it became apparent that the incident was bigger than the Lebanese political arena. It was orchestrated by greater world players and designed to have consequences on an international scale.

Eager to know more about the event that shook the very foundations of my country, I became an avid participant in political discussions and followed the news daily. The complexity of international relations became a fascination. I was intrigued by the way nations interact with each other in today’s increasingly interdependent world. I am looking forward to spending the next three years exploring this phenomenon in detail.

My History A-Level course has been an excellent introduction into the multifaceted world of International Politics. It has equipped me with valuable skills that are undoubtedly essential for a future diplomat. I have learned to analyze sources thoroughly and synthesize information to form well-reasoned arguments. I was required to participate in debates as part of the course. I was voted captain, therefore, it was my responsibility to delegate tasks and encourage co-operation among my teammates; a task that developed my leadership, teamwork, and organization skills.

The debates, along with my involvement in the drama club, developed my public speaking and communication abilities, giving me the confidence that I will need to partake in university discussions and presentations. Last year I was presented with four awards from the Cambridge International Examinations Board for achieving top results in IGCSEs. The one I am most proud of is “Top of the World” in English Literature. The skills required to analyze a work of literature are similar to those needed in evaluating a political excerpt.

The activity I feel has most prepared me for working in the field of politics, however, is Student Council. My position as Vice-President and this year as President has honed my diplomatic competency and taught me how to negotiate successfully. The proceedings from our events went towards various charities. Aside from academia, I have a great passion for piano. I am currently at Level 5. Eager to impart my love for this beautiful and expressive art, I gave piano lessons to two young girls. As for athletics, I was part of the swimming team for three consecutive years and have recently developed an interest in soccer.

I aspire to represent Lebanon in an international organization and take part in shaping its foreign policy. On the risk of sounding presumptuous, I hope to be able to make a difference in the world. Studying in the UK will surely put me on the right track towards achieving my dreams. As a Lebanese-Canadian citizen, I hope that I can reciprocate the favor and contribute to the diverse and stimulating student body.

Profile info
This personal statement was written by MiniMe for application in 2010.

MiniMe's university choices
Cambridge University
London School of Economics
School of Oriental and African Studies
University of Bristol
The University of Sheffield

Green: offer made
Red: no offer made

Ratings
Statement rating:

 

[vuongtuphuong]

Một bài nữa ...

Japanese & Politics/Religious Studies Personal Statement


England and Japan are two immensely contrasting worlds: this distinctiveness is why the undeniable magic of Japanese culture has always attracted me to study its oriental societies and traditions. I have been enthralled by the Japanese language since I was a young teenager; reading 'Japanese for Busy People' at school and trying to note down homework reminders in Kanji, anything to incorporate Japanese into my daily life.

As I grew, so did my desire to study Japanese culture and society. Yukio Mishima's politically aware novel 'Confessions of a Mask' captivated me. I found the contrast between the effeminate main character Kochan and the uber-masculine male figures present in teenage Japanese media refreshing. As a student of English I could better understand Mishima's style and nuance, empathising with Kochan's oppression in an era of Japanese right-wing militarism. This is where my political interests began; through independent study I became absorbed in political history, with particular attraction to the way Japan avoided colonisation by becoming an industrial superpower.

Studying English has helped me to introduce a succinctness into my writing and speech which has complimented my study of the Japanese language; my natural flair for creative writing saw me win two regional poetry competitions and a 'Young Black Achiever's' award for outstanding achievement in English. This has helped me to approach my independent study of politics with an analytical mind, which is crucial when criticising political theories. Understanding international relations has become very important to me through the study of globalisation in Geography. I found the energy module fascinating as it related to the horrific nuclear disaster Japan faced earlier this year; I enjoyed discussing Naoto Kan's call for Japan to become a less nuclear dependant country and the response of non-governmental organisations to the crisis.

I regularly use Japan as a case study to familiarise myself with writing about Asian politics and economics, which has developed my understanding of Japanese society. My Religious Studies A-level has helped me to understand how philosophy can influence the greater world through politics, such as the use of the 'Just War Theory' by politicians during discussions of the war in Libya. My independent research in Buddhism and Confucianism has helped me to understand how Japanese and Asian civilisation has developed; I am intrigued that Japan can be so urbanised while retaining such deeply spiritual communities.

Being elected as a Year Representative in year 11 gave me a taste of diplomacy, a career path I would like to follow; I thoroughly enjoy debating issues which affect the student body. I was pleased to win the debating competition in my school; ever since I came second in the regional 'Primary Parliament' competition I have always held an affinity for public speaking and debating. I volunteered to give tours of Nottingham to foreign visitors, such as German students from our twin city and a student from Tokyo. Similarly, I have Japanese pen pals who I email and plan to meet next August in Japan.

In preparation for this and my undergraduate studies, I will be taking a Japanese language course with a local tutor. Also, I intend to apply to the JET programme to gain experience teaching in Japan after my degree. I find teaching through playing music a very enriching experience and every Wednesday afternoon I help teach the violin to year eight pupils, as well as performing in a chamber choir.

My ambition to work in diplomacy is driven by an unimpeded spirit, thriving on the idea of increasing stability in a complex and ever-changing global environment; I believe the key to this stability lies in strong communication between Oriental and Occidental societies. A Japanese degree would offer me the challenge of studying a beautifully complex language and a culture which thoroughly fascinates me.

Profile info
This personal statement was written by Richierich for application in 2012.

Richierich's university choices
School of Oriental and African Studies